I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just pee around me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
