I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
