just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
