Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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