Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
