i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
