It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
