I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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