bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
