A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
