I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
