and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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