I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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