I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
