hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
be right there i have to get my cape
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
