I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
