He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
