My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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