What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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