i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Congratulations! We have a period
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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