omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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