I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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