Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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