thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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