What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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