did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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