Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
