bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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