I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
