I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
