he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
