You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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