I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
