I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
