No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
