i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
