the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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