she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
