i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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