Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
