Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
