she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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