Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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