So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
