hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
