I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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