you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I touched a dick in church today
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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