i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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