They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
