Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
