Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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