he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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