so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
