do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
